The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
