So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
