In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
