I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
