just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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