Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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