Don't make out with my wife yet
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
