On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
