Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
