Got a toothbrush?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
