The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
