Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
