I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
