haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
