eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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