tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
