Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
this beer tastes like vomit already
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
