Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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