I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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