i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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