brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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