i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
