It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
