Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
