Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
