Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
