When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
