I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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