you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
