wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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