After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
