is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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