i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
