What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
