My first STD was from a foam party
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
