I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
