People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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