you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
