At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
