My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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