Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
