hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
