I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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