In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
