Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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