so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He felt like a one man threesome
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
