Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
