Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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