i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
