I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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