you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
